Here’s a truth for you. Not everyone we like to term friends are really our friends. If we are lucky, we have a few true friends in our lives. The women that stop inviting you to things because you have too many personal issues, or family problems you’re dealing with, they’re fair-weather friends. They won’t be there when times get tough in your life or you’re dealing with life-altering situations like brain surgery on your two-year-old. I can go months without seeing my best friends and when I see them again we pick up where we left off. If my child is going through some major medical tests and I’m scared to death, I’ll confide in them and they would be there for me, whenever I need them. But most people have you there for a purpose. If you’re not fulfilling that purpose, there’s no use for you.
It’s a harsh reality we all have to face. It’s nice to think we’re a part of this big group of women that would be there for each other no matter what. But the truth is, as you go through life, there are a small handful of women that will stand by you, and you should feel very lucky to have them because they are hard to find. I have three amazing friends, best friends, that would be there for me at the drop of a dime. Everyone else, while I enjoy spending time with them, have no idea what’s really going on in my life. When we are together, I have to pretend that everything is good and going smoothly in my life because they just ask the obligatory questions of a friend. In reality, we’re just out to have a good time and as long as that’s achieved, we’ll continue to be friends. But if you can’t partake in the “girls’ night” outings or the “moms take over the bar” adventures, you stand no chance, and before you know it, you are forgotten from those group messages.
Honestly, it’s hard enough for family members to understand what you’re going through, nevermind friends. Your family members know you and your children, and yet still have a hard time comprehending why you’re so stressed or worried. It was pointed out to me recently that if a person does not have the same struggles you do, they can’t possibly understand. While I agree with that to an extent, there are plenty of times when my best friends are experiencing something with their children, and I have enough empathy to realize how difficult it is for them. I can put myself in their place and understand where they’re coming from. Empathy may not be a trait everyone possesses, but even if you only have a little, you should be able to understand the trials and tribulations that a mom is going through with multiple children with multiple medical issues.
I’ll be forever thankful for my best friends. Without them, I probably would not have made it through some of my darkest times. If you have friends that you can always count on, cherish them, and thank them for always being there for you, unconditionally. And maybe even buy them a glass of wine, or four.