This year started out unlike any other I’ve ever experienced as a mother. My children had an average of three to five doctors’ appointments a week starting in January, until March when the pandemic was upon us and stay at home orders were in place. Allison was hospitalized in January for special testing, John had surgery in February to have tubes placed in his ears and his adenoids removed, and we saw almost every specialist you can think of. The amount of time we spent at the doctors was almost laughable. My life and schedule revolved around their appointments each week. Everything went in my calendar, otherwise, I never would have remembered all of their appointments. I even made binders to keep all of their medical records and test results in, since we were seeing so many different specialists. At the end of each day when I should have been trying to forget everything and relax, I did just the opposite. I was researching each of their conditions tirelessly. To say I was consumed would be an understatement. People would ask me how I do it and my answer was always the same, “I honestly don’t know”. I do what I have to do. I make it through one day and start another one. What choice do I have as a mother?
Then about two weeks into the pandemic, it hit me. For three days I didn’t think about doctors’ appointments and diagnoses, nor did I feel all the things I had been feeling for the three prior months. Everything was canceled. I cleared out my calendar and just had to wait, there was nothing I could do for them at this point in time. It took something so grand, so life-altering, to distract me from the one thing my life had been consumed by, my children’s health. No guilt, no worry, no helplessness about it, because my focus had been redirected toward the coronavirus and what we had to do as a family to be prepared and stay safe.
Eventually, I realized that even though I may not have thought about it, it still existed. And when I can, I will move forward making the necessary appointments, getting the tests done, and figuring out a game plan. But until then, I should try to remember that I don’t need to let this consume me because as long as I’m doing everything I can for my children, I can still get on with everyday life and not stress about it every waking moment. There are always going to be things in life we cannot change and have no control over. In no way does constant worry help, but in fact, it makes the situation worse.